Pain of the Cross Train

They say no pain no gain. But little did I know the owie my training regimen would inflict yesterday.

The swimming pool is cold. Not a mountain lake, but close. I do my requisite 45 minute lap session while dragging one leg in a float to protect a recovering knee from abuse. The life guards move closer as I flail and splash like a drowning man in a hurricane. To add insult during one lap, just as I pass the diving area a humongous 16-year-old fat kid cannonballs exactly six inches from the rope and 24 inches from my head. I choke and spit, give bozo the stinkeye, but keep swimming.

This is going to do it, I tell myself as I pull water. I’ll be a manimal by next winter. Guys half my age will tremble. Women will notice. P-tex and carbon fiber will bend to my whim.

I head for the showers. The frigid dunk has me chilled and shrunk like that carrot you lost in your fridge, only to find two weeks later.

I’m maybe half a minute into letting the perfectly hot H20 limber my muscles and reduce shrinkage. Ahhhhhh….

A guy marches into the locker room with his 2-year-old in tow. Out of the corner of my eye I see the kid stop and stare into the showers.

Then, in loud falsetto that rains over the man-tribe like we’re next to the speakers at a Neal Young concert: “Daddy, that man has a tiny PP.”

I limp back to my locker, yearning anew for the first day of ski season.

10 Responses to “Pain of the Cross Train”

1. Tomas July 7th, 2009 8:47 am

   Classic!!!

2. Sky July 7th, 2009 9:20 am

   The younger generation has been brainwashed to believe bigger, fatter skis are the only way to go… but there’s no substitute for technique!

3. Bill July 7th, 2009 10:43 am

   Ha ha ha, NICE!
   You got to go to the glenwood pool to swim.

4. Scott July 7th, 2009 9:08 pm

   Hilarious.

5. Frank Konsella July 7th, 2009 10:09 pm

   I was just watching the Seinfeld “shrinkage” episode about 5 minutes ago, weird…

6. adam olson July 7th, 2009 10:38 pm

   Ouch! What hurts worse the knee or the ego. (lol) Kids are great!

7. Lou July 8th, 2009 5:41 am

   Definitely a good laugh! What’s more, I make brief mention of a knee and check out the Google ads to the left, they look like they’re intended for a hospital! I guess the enlargement ads got blocked. LOL

8. Mark July 8th, 2009 8:16 am

   Yet another reason to cross train somewhere other than the community pool, eh! Hope the knee is doing better.

9. Lou July 8th, 2009 8:23 am

   Thanks Mark, yeah, I’d rather cross train on a bike! Knee issue is minor, but requires some non-use therapy for a few weeks…

10. andyw July 9th, 2009 3:57 am

    haha, nice. (or nots so 😉

    manimal not heard that in years. 😛