Sacrifice of the Skis


This post by WildSnow.com blogger  

High in the crystal mountains, pagan sacrifice is invoked to procure precious moisture in the form of virgin snow… crystalline water which blankets the earth just as autumnal leaves cloth our hemisphere. Skis are burned — from petrochemical carbon fiber ashes invoked by the priestly duck face, magic particles rise which seed the clouds. In turn to grow: THE HARVEST.

Comments

35 Responses to “Sacrifice of the Skis”

  1. Kyle October 16th, 2012 9:56 am

    What the heck?

    I could use a free pair of skis too and you guys are just burning them!

  2. Tom October 16th, 2012 10:38 am

    A sacrifice of this sort means nothing if the item being sacrificed holds no value to you. May the snows fall deep this year.

  3. Joe October 16th, 2012 10:45 am

    Tom, couldn’t agree more! Safe, stable, and DEEP!

  4. See October 16th, 2012 10:54 am

    Next week on Wildsnow– Lou skis the terrain park on tech bindings culminating in a massive aerial over a snow making pond containing a hungry shark!

  5. Joe October 16th, 2012 11:19 am

    Ramp construction is underway, sharks are en route, circus freaks have been recruited, and the ballet dancer audition is being held tomorrow. Costume suggestions?

  6. Bill October 16th, 2012 11:53 am

    October is a tough month.
    I think you are getting as nutty as me.

  7. JR October 16th, 2012 11:58 am

    Please tell me that was an optical illusion… no actual DPS skis were harmed in the making of that video? Might need to report this…

  8. Andy October 16th, 2012 12:13 pm

    Big Oregon Duck fan, eh?

  9. Dan October 16th, 2012 1:48 pm

    Lou, Do you really believe that one pair of skis is enough? It is raining at 8000 feet in the Cascades!!!

  10. Lou Dawson October 16th, 2012 3:16 pm

    JR, yes, we rendered a pair of DPS to their component molecules. I can think of no other planks worthy of this ultimate sacrifice.

  11. Lou Dawson October 16th, 2012 3:21 pm

    Tom, all skis at WildSnow.com are handled with reverence and highly valued, more, it is not just the value the high priest places on the sacrificial offering, but the value placed on the offering by all participants that invokes the power.

  12. 3J October 16th, 2012 3:23 pm

    that was awesome!! i almost had tears in my eyes laughing so hard.

    i truly hope it works. fingers crossed and prayers heaven sent.

  13. Xavier October 16th, 2012 3:28 pm

    Several of the images in this video are very disturbing and require that we explore the subliminal message.

    Burning of DPS skis….notice they where Yvettes, the woman’s model. Another example of WS’s deep misogyny.

    They were fake DPs skis as they did not delaminate as they burnt. Everybody knows real DPS skis will delaminate at a moment’s notice.

    The duck…. a hidden reference to Monty Python’s ” Burn the Witch” sketch…more misogyny.

    TLT5′s….duck is wearing TLT5′s…..everybody knows the TLT5 last is not suitable for webbed feet…..ducks wear Garmont, therefore not a real duck!

  14. Lou Dawson October 16th, 2012 3:40 pm

    The fun-damentalist priests of skiism just can not win. Burn men’s skis, that excludes the girls. Burn women’s skis, and that’s misogyny. Might as well burn some boots. Come to think of it, another video in the making? Spare us! (grin)

  15. Andrew October 16th, 2012 4:06 pm

    I guess Carbondale just got a new dispensary?! ;)

    I loved the duck head.

  16. Tay October 16th, 2012 5:52 pm

    And I thought peyote was only found in Mexico……. :-)

  17. Lou Dawson October 16th, 2012 6:03 pm

    LOL

  18. Lisa October 16th, 2012 6:14 pm

    If we don’t get lots of snow, that snow goose is the next thing to sacrifice.

  19. d October 17th, 2012 7:27 am

    Your attempt at fun and games acknowledged, however, why would you choose to burn a perfectly good pair of expensive skis like that? I just can not comprehend such waste.

  20. Jack October 17th, 2012 7:43 am

    Lou, I applaud your sacrifice of high value skis, as a suitable magical gesture. Did you perform this rite on Aleister Crowley’s birthday, 15-October? %^).

    Do we need a specific ritual for snow in the Northeast, or do you feel you covered that?

  21. Lisa October 17th, 2012 9:31 am

    Jack, Aleister Crowley was channeled for the incantation, and he told us this ritual would benefit snow sliders worldwide.

  22. RDE October 17th, 2012 12:34 pm

    Everyone knows DPS skis are made from unobtanium and held together by magic. So they don’t merely burn but rather ascend to the world of magical realism where they form molecular seeds for the white stuff we all crave.

    And the sacrifice was not in vain, for the first snow of the year fell upon the Tetons within minutes of the Ascension.

  23. scott October 17th, 2012 6:08 pm

    Louuuuuuuuuu………..

  24. dmr October 18th, 2012 5:39 am

    See,

    I still watch reruns of Happy Days and Joanie loves Chachie.

    Here’s to a winter season with record snowfalls.

  25. Phil October 18th, 2012 8:53 am

    Really???

    Surprised nobodies appalled at the environmental ramifications of burning skis?

    Lou, just a little bit ago I looked over your post on going green and using re-tread tires, and now this?

    I’m all for praying for snow to whomever you worship, but burning skis=toxic mess. Why not throw a snow tire on there too? Hate to sound like a negative nellie, buttttt

  26. Lisa October 18th, 2012 9:21 am

    Phil,
    The retread tires were purchased to make the ski burn carbon neutral.

  27. gringo October 18th, 2012 1:53 pm

    thanks for posting that Lou, well done.

    _to Phil and other naysayers, I pity you if you have not spent a frigid late fall evening somewhere deep in the Northern Rockies, standing around in your carharts, wearing one beer mitten, passing a fatty with 20 of your closest friends, and sacrificing a pair of P40′s or at the very least a pair of Omeglass II’s to Ullr and hoping for the best season ever.

    It’s a rite of passage man.

  28. Lou Dawson October 18th, 2012 6:34 pm

    Indeed! I hope you guys nattering about enviro issues are joking. We’ve got much bigger problems than burning a few pairs of skis that would instead end up taking space in a landfill. Of course, we do want archaeologists to dig up DPS skis in 1,000 years, but I’d imagine they’ll find a few pair despite those which are scarificed! Thing is, one has to wonder if by then they’ll have some sort of Rosetta Stone that allows them to translate such cryptic combinations of characters such as WAILER…

  29. Eric October 20th, 2012 9:07 am

    This is wrong in many different ways. I think it’s complete bullshit to burn skis or make any sort of ritual that some how you believe will bring more snow!!! Oh yeah not to mention the environmental aspect of all of this………………

  30. Jailhouse Hopkins October 20th, 2012 10:14 am

    Bang on Gringro!

  31. Kaye October 22nd, 2012 11:11 am

    May the SnOw GoDs find the sacrifice WoRtHy!!!!

  32. Bob Perlmutter October 23rd, 2012 10:52 pm

    I hate to think about what other diabolical Satanic rituals take place up at Wildsnow HQ Marble. What next, human sacrifice? If it means a big snow year then I’m in!

  33. A differnt Phil October 23rd, 2012 11:33 pm

    ski burning wont work
    the only true snow ritual involves riding your carbon neutral bike to a group hug followed with a lentil burger and a lecture on how sitting down to pee will help us get in touch with feminine side

  34. Lou Dawson October 24th, 2012 6:43 am

    Bob, since the burning of the skis was pretty much your idea, that means you will be the perfect person to sacrifice, at least that’s what Alistair told me. We’ll meet you up there at midnight on Halloween, wear your white one-piece. (grin)

  35. Brandon August 21st, 2013 1:03 am

    Your high Lou. Next time you got a pair of DPS just sittin’ around I’ll take ‘em….what a shame…this is a preposterous miscalculation of possibilities

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Welcome to Louis (Lou) Dawson's backcountry skiing information opinion website and e magazine. Lou's passion for the past 45 years has been alpinism, climbing, mountaineering and skiing -- along with all manner of outdoor recreation. He has authored numerous books and articles about backcountry skiing and is well known as the first person to ski down all 54 of Colorado's 14,000-foot peaks, otherwise known as the Fourteeners! Books and free back country news and information here, and tons of Randonnee rando telemark info.

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